Publishing
The Tortuga Society is proud to publish works from our members
The Con - By Walt Bismarck
Lots of WB lore that will help you understand why I’m Like This
Numerous extensive and invigorating philosophical / socio-satiric dialogues
Plenty of fun flirty Covid-era Comedy of Manners shit about navigating Zoomette cultural sensibilities as a prematurely out of touch early nineties nigga
Mountains of overwrought monologuing about all your favorite WB topics
Far more overtly evil Male Interiority shit than you’ll ever catch me posting here on Substack
a bunch of scenes where the Woman Characters get to talk extensively about all the stuff that’s wrong with me so as to keep female readers engaged
a riveting extended dream sequence wherein five different versions of me from five distinct years argue in a convenience store
a comprehensive subtextual analysis of very nearly every number in the musical Oklahoma! for the benefit of my fellow theater fags;
a fair amount of Alt Right nostalgia for oldheads
Just a smidgen of tasteful smut to keep things lively
Pandemonia by Johnson Riggs
Pandemonia is a satirical fantasy quest through deserts, swamps, jungles, and bureaucratic hellscapes. Part epic quest, part political farce, part redemption story. For fans of Discworld, Bored of the Rings, Vox Machina, The Adventure Zone, and also farts, this is your next heroic disasterpiece.
The Aping American: a dog and pony show collection by ringleader
I am naught but Praise unto God.
This isn’t a polished devotional, the newest dissident think piece, or manifesto qua self-help book in disguise. It’s a collection of poems, essays, and field notes written in the cracks of real life—from the same half-lit corner of the internet that hosts the dog and pony show Substack.
The Aping American is what happens when a man tries to worship Christ, love his family, kill rats, scroll less, and pray without ceasing in a collapsing empire that just wants him medicated, pacified, and ashamed of his instincts. Some pieces are prayers. Some are gut checks. Some are spiritual mutterings from a man trying not to snap in the produce aisle.
Inside are reflections on marriage, fatherhood, attention span collapse, screen-induced despair, identity confusion, and the quiet, unsellable rebellion of daily obedience.
If you’ve ever wanted to raise your kids in peace, praise God without apologizing, and maybe burn your phone in a small backyard ceremony—this might be for you.
Read it. Pass it on. Praise God anyway.
Ahead is eternity. Don’t forget today.